Hard Decisions

Lately, I have had a lot on my mind—work, study, family—and I have found it difficult to be aware and focus on whatever I'm doing. However, I finally made the hard decision to defer my last yogic studies module for a year and return to work four days a week.

Unfortunately, one of Hubby's contracts was terminated earlier this year and with the current economic situation he has been reduced to working only two days a week. Both of us working part time is not going to pay the mortgage. We are lucky, at least we both still have jobs.

After making that decision I really felt a weight lift from my mind. It seemed clearer and lighter, and over the past fortnight I've been feeling more positive and found my sciatic pain was easing. How easy it is to become trapped in the negative tamas of indecision and pain and see nothing but the negative! And all it took was a simple action like making a decision—a ‘mind flip’—to pull me out of those murky depths.

As much as I would have liked to continue my studies with the same group of friends, I realise now that this was an example of attachment to something that made me felt secure - a desire for the familiar. It was also attachment to an ego-influenced outcome: I really wanted to finish my studies this year. So, to grow I need to develop aparigraha (non-attachment) and be content that this is the correct decision for now.

We have just been studying programming principles and learning how we must rest between periods of physical development to see changes in our body. Maybe it's the same for changes to the spirit?